Today I awakened before dawn. The day’s burdens began to weigh upon me as I lay in bed trying to go back asleep. Finally I got up and slipped quietly downstairs to my computer. I sat down and sighed. My plans and life’s circumstances were not getting along.

To gain a little perspective, I went to my old blog and read this November post from 2009:

Okay, I admit it. I’ve been feeling low and grumbly lately. Sure, I have all the usual stresses in my life that being a full-time caregiver bring. But I can’t blame my mood on that. Actually, our lives have been fairly stable in recent months. Back in the days that Kevin was most ill or in the hospital for one reason or another, I’d have given my eye teeth for days like these. Those days, it would have been heaven just to spend an afternoon in my own kitchen cooking one of our favorite meals, to sit with the family playing the newest version of Family Feud together, or to sleep in my own bed instead of trying to fold myself up into a hospital chair for the night.

So I really can’t complain. As a matter of fact, I should be rejoicing. God has been very good to us, despite our situation. I should be grateful.

And I am. Truly, I am.

The source of my bad attitude lately has been disappointment. Recent events in our situation have made it clear that I must go back to school for my nursing license.

That wasn’t in my plans. I didn’t even see it coming. I was sure I knew God’s path for me and was enthusiastically pursuing what I thought was His plan. Then a big STOP sign appeared out of nowhere and loomed ahead in the road.

Oops. What is this ?

At first it shook me to think that I missed God by so much. Then I remembered that I can’t trust my own heart because it has been proven to be a selfish and deceitful creature. God is, ultimately, the only one who really knows what is ahead. He’s the only one who knows how to bring us safely through the minefields of this world. I have to let Him lead the way, even when it means a detour – or a permanent change – from the previous path.

There’s a reason we’re called followers of Jesus.

He’s the leader.

When events change without warning in my life, it’s time to step back, drop my preconceptions, and let Him show me the way. And it wouldn’t hurt me to thank Him for being such a good and faithful Captain.

I know these things, deep within that blood-red altar where my spirit dwells in worship of the King. Even when I am totally befuddled with His ways, I know that He is trustworthy. Even when my mind rears up in self-righteous rebellion to His guidance – by force of the Spirit Who empowers my feeble faith – I will bow my knee to what my soul knows to be the truth:

He is Lord.

He loves us fiercely.

He alone knows the way Home.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Four years later,

I can say “Amen” without hesitation. Although the journey was formidable as I pursued my nursing license, it was indeed the right path for me. I emerged on the other side more convinced than ever of God’s immeasurable wisdom and power. I just needed to be reminded of that this morning.

If you are struggling with that big detour sign blocking off your dreams today, don’t be afraid. When He changes our plans, it’s because His are better. He’s big and strong, and He will safely lead you to the finish line. You only have one thing to do.

Follow.

By PamThorson2 comments

Devotionals

October 22, 2013

A Harvest about to Rot

The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. – Matthew 9:37

They stand at attention in tight little rows, soldiers in the fight against take-out. I pop into the cold storage that sits against the hillside next to our home and survey the troops. It has taken many hours of hard work, but I am proud of the bounty for which I have fought: jars of tender tomatoes for chicken salsa and Stevens stew, golden pie filling for steamy holiday pies, festive pink cinnamon applesauce for warm winter cookies.

Suzy Homemaker is alive and well in my kitchen.

The rash of productivity has been inspired by an abundant apple crop in our little orchard this year. Three small trees outdid themselves, bearing such heavy branches of fruit we had to prop some of them up until harvest. We literally picked wheelbarrows full of apples.

After weeks of canning, the glow is beginning to wear off. Suzy is tired. My sixty-year-old bones clatter in a collective groan. Other projects await my attention. I went out to the barn yesterday to see how many boxes I have left to can.

I was shocked. It looks as if I haven’t even touched the stack. My cup runneth over. And over.

So the canning will continue. We can’t let the harvest go to waste. It represents hours of my husband’s hard work pruning, watering, spraying, and picking those apples. If I don’t take care of them, they will rot and wind up food for the wild things that wander our property.

I will work, and we will eat pie.

Beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest. – Matthew 9:38

I used to wonder why Jesus used such a strong word as “beseech.” He didn’t tell His disciples to ask for workers, or to request workers. He used a word that described intense urgency and longing. Beseech.

The world is God’s field. Every soul belongs in his harvest. He is more than unwilling that none should perish. His great heart breaks each time someone is lost. It is His will that we all have that same sense of urgency. What could be more important than the preservation of a human soul for eternity? How can we walk on by and ignore His plea?

He yearns for us to care so much that we will put aside our own pursuits and get to work. He wants us to realize those that lie dying on the vine and earnestly pray as we labor alongside Him. Otherwise the fruit for which He has toiled will go to the creatures of the night.

Let’s prioritize our life for the work to which He has called us. The harvest is ripe, the weather is fickle, and there’s no time to waste. Look to the fields around us. Outside our doors lies a world about to rot.

Work and pray. What can you do this week to save a precious life?

By PamThorson2 comments

Women's Conference

October 15, 2013

Salmon Valley Celebration

Be hospitable to one another without complaint. – 1 Peter 4:9

Our destination was the town of Salmon, in southern Idaho. We started from our home in northern Idaho. We drove west for several hours up the Clearwater River and over the winding Lolo Pass.

That put us in Montana.

Then we drove several more hours south along the craggy Bitterroot Mountains. At the top of Lost Trail Pass, several inches of snow greeted us. Down the other side of the valley, we followed a meandering river through lovely groves of golden trees and hills scarred by some recent fire.

That put us back in Idaho.

Such are the rigors of travel in the Inland Northwest. People in our neck of the woods are used to traveling long distances between towns. Much of Idaho is still wild, forged of mountains and valleys largely unscathed by the insult of a four-lane highway. Or anything resembling a highway.

The drive, though slow, was glorious. My long-suffering son Daniel offered to drive me to the town of Salmon to speak to the ladies of the Salmon Valley Baptist Church and their guests on October 11. Dan and I took the opportunity to talk and enjoy the panoramic views of the Lochsa River country.

For caregivers, even a drive is a gift.

In Salmon, I had the chance to reconnect with Ron and Connie Seibert, the couple who led my husband and me to the Lord nearly forty years ago. As pastor of the Southern Baptist church we attended, Ron baptized both of us in the faith. Ron and Connie discipled us through those first crucial years of walking with God. Connie and I recently found each other online and discovered our common love of writing.

The ladies of the Salmon Valley Baptist Church were warm and welcoming; their hospitality rich; their hearts open. I was blessed to be there and reluctant to leave them so soon. God encouraged me to just “give them Jesus” as I prepared for the trip. I can tell you I received Jesus back with much love from my Southern Baptist sisters.

Thanks to all of you who prayed for the trip. Special thanks to Aaron and Grace for holding down the fort at home while I was gone. Thanks, Dan, for your generous heart!

Photos courtesy Dan Thorson

By PamThorson0 comments

Devotionals

October 8, 2013

What They Didn’t Tell Us

Until our nineteen-year-old son broke his neck in a fall in the summer of 1997, we knew little about spinal cord injuries. His break was very high, and the chance of his survival was bleak. Since he was injured during a trip to Canada and we live in the United States, it was a difficult journey to join him at the hospital. When we were able to get to his bedside, we found him totally paralyzed from the neck down and attached to life support.

Grim-faced doctors told us the many challenges Kevin faced:

He would never breathe or move again below his neck or possibly his shoulders.
He would need round-the-clock care.
He would certainly suffer from a host of complications such as pneumonia, blood clots, and urinary tract infections.
He could never live at home again. He couldn’t even return to the United States because no airline would accept him in his condition, no doctor would sign to receive him, no medical team would accompany him on the flight, and the cost to fly him home would be prohibitive.
He could not stay in Canada.

For our son, and for us, the situation seemed hopeless. One doctor was angry when we resisted a push for euthanasia.

What most of the doctors didn’t tell us was that their predictions weren’t written in stone. Yes, Kevin did suffer from pneumonia in the beginning weeks. Urinary tract infections have been a continuing challenge for Kevin. And yes, he needs round-the-clock care.

But none of the rest of it happened.

People, churches, and organizations in Canada soon learned of his injuries and rallied to his cause. Within a week, Kevin was flown back to the United States in a chartered Lear jet, accompanied by a volunteer medical team – the entire cost paid by donations.

He was received into a hospital close to home and later released to a rehabilitation hospital.

As his body came out of spinal shock, he began to regain function and feeling, stunning the doctors and therapists. This healing would continue for several years.

What no one told us was that one day Kevin would breathe again on his own, walk with help, and return home to rebuild his life. Although he remains mostly disabled, he has movement and feeling in most of his body. He only uses the ventilator at night to sleep.

In the years since his injury, he has built a computer 3-D graphics studio with his brother and founded a popular Christian music website. He lives each day with faith and trust and without complaint.

No one told us that caring for him would bring us such joy. No one explained how much his life would enrich us, or how much we would learn about courage in the process. Certainly these years have been hard. But when I see Kevin laughing and chasing his nieces around in his wheelchair, or taking his dog for a walk, or working with press agents and music companies and complicated animation software, I am reminded of all the beauty they never told me to expect.

They never told us to have hope.

By PamThorson3 comments

Devotionals

October 1, 2013

When the Path Gets Rocky

We all stumble in many ways. – James 3:2

It was another hot August day. I was working outside and feeling increasingly irritated in the oppression of the afternoon heat. A hint of smoke from some distant wildfire loitered menacingly in the breeze. Alarmed, I paused to scan the sky for the dreaded pillar that signaled another threat to our home – a yearly occurrence. I saw none. But the brown hills looked the way I felt: tinder dry; brittle; apt to erupt in spontaneous combustion.

The project I was working on with my husband hit a snag. Instantly, we were at odds. It seemed to be happening a lot lately. I stormed away from the argument and grabbed the car keys, using the excuse of needing to pick up the mail as an opportunity to cool off. I cranked the car air conditioner up along with some of my favorite Christian music and headed to the post office.

There was only one letter in the box. The envelope was addressed to “The Wonderful Kevin Thorson and Family.” A pang of guilt shot through me. Kevin was fine, but the “Family” wasn’t feeling too wonderful that day.

My drive did cool me off, but I had to face the fact that I couldn’t blame my attitude on external factors. Why was I stumbling so often lately? What was I missing?

This moment happened several years ago, and now I can identify some of the factors leading up to my meltdown. Some are changeable; some aren’t. But I’m convinced it is less about external factors and more about internal pressures that afflict us all.

So how can we keep on our feet when our path is strewn with unavoidable pitfalls? How do we respond when we find ourselves face down in the dirt? As my daily scrapes and bumps have revealed to me, there are some vital strategies for staying sane:

*Don’t ignore the warning signs. When I’m feeling irritable, it might be lack of sleep, illness, or just the fact I’m letting things get to me. When the red flags pop up, it’s time for a little openness and brokenness with God.

*Make Bible reading as important as eating that next meal. Don’t lean on past knowledge or a set of principles to guide us through the minefield. It’s like using an outdated map to find a new city. God’s Word is active, living, and a well-worn Scripture can jump out at the precise moment it’s needed to save the day. We have to allow God to speak to us if we’re going to avoid the pits.

*Keep alert. Our enemy, Satan, is constantly on the prowl. Don’t get complacent.

*Know our limits. And don’t stray beyond them.

*Think beyond the event to its source. What causes us to lose our cool? Why do we react to certain pressures and how can we defuse those situations?

*Pray actively and constantly. It doesn’t take a “quiet time” to talk to God. Stay on the line with Him all day long. Pray on the fly, in the car, in the bathroom if you must. Be honest and be sure to listen.

*Remember we are just dust encasing a soul. We’re going to fail. We need to forgive ourselves and learn from our mistakes.

Yes, we’re going to fall along the way on our journey. We can, however, learn from our mistakes. God knows we’re prone to failure, but He does’t want us to fail. He wants to give us light for our path and bring us safely to the destination He has planned for us.

In fact, He’s just waiting for us on the path, if we choose to let Him lead the way.

By PamThorson0 comments

Month: October 2013

Is THAT the Reason We’re Called “Followers?”

There’s a reason we’re called followers of Jesus.

Four years later,

A Harvest about to Rot

Salmon Valley Celebration

What They Didn’t Tell Us

When the Path Gets Rocky