Category: Devotionals

DevotionalsHoly Spirit

What’s He Here For?

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In the last two weeks we have looked at the person we call the Holy Spirit. I love talking about God, but I’m especially intrigued with the third person of the Trinity.

The three persons of the Trinity are enigmatic, cloaked in a mantle of mystery slowly pulled back through the ages to reveal the face of God. When we learn about Father God, we incorporate what we know about Him from our experiences with out earthly fathers. His Son, Jesus Christ, is the central figure of the gospels, painting a vivid picture of the Deliverer.

The Spirit, on the other hand, often remains in the background. Though equal in power to the others, He points humanity upward to them instead of drawing attention to Himself.  In a world clamoring “Look at me! Look at me,” He always inspires us to look heavenward.

The fact that He consents to live inside the cracked clay we call home never ceases to amaze me.

How do we wrap our minds around a Being who can be everywhere at once, whose power caused the universe to spring to life, who brought back the Savior Himself from the dead? How do we live with such a Being inside us? It’s a story more radical than anything dreamt up by Hollywood.

God in You, the Hope of Glory

In His person, the Holy Spirit is totally God. In His work and form, He functions as the “breath” of God. As such, He has a vital job to accomplish on earth:

  • He convicts us of sin. John 16:8

Before we can come to Him, we first must realize our need. It is the Spirit’s job to make us understand how we’ve sinned against God and our need of a Deliverer. He’s the one who makes us feel guilty when we’ve done wrong.

  • He frees us. 2 Corinthians 3:17

The Spirit is the One who breaks the chains of sin and walks us into liberty.

  • He sanctifies and sets us apart as His own. 1 Peter 1:2

When we accept our need for God and receive the cleansing sacrifice made by Jesus, the Holy Spirit comes to live in our bodies. His indwelling sets us apart as His own and begins the lifelong process of preparing us for eternity.

  • He transforms us. 2 Corinthians 3:18

When we become His, we are changed by the force of the same creative power that brought the universe into being.

  • He intercedes for us. Romans 8:26

In our weakness, we often don’t even know ourselves how to pray for what we need. The Spirit steps in, bringing us to the throne of God. Romans 8:26 is often used for speaking in tongues, but the Scripture says that this intercession is “too deep for words.” It is the place where our spirit connects with His in a cry for help.

  • He rebukes those who mock Him. Acts 5:9-11

The Spirit upholds the holiness of the Lord. He will not be mocked and must be treated with respect.

  • He empowers us for His work. John 7:37-38; 16:7; 1 Corinthians 2:3-5; Galatians 5:25

We can’t live a holy life on our own. Our best intentions and efforts can’t come close to pleasing God. We fall on our face every time. It’s His power that accomplishes what we can only long for without Him.

  • He directs us and gives us joy in the journey. Matthew 4:1; John 16:13; Luke 10:21; Acts 16:7

It’s not just about getting through this life. Jesus promised us abundance. When His Spirit is free to work within us, He fill us with joy. This is the incomprehensible place of peace Jesus’ disciples encounter through the darkest days of their lives. It rises above trials and smiles at the future.

  • He provides for our every need. Philippians 1:29

He is the great provider. In His care, every need we have will be met.

  • He reveals the future when necessary. Luke 2:26; Acts 1:16

Because He is all-knowing, nothing surprises Him. When it is necessary, He will reveal to His people future events. Usually, though, He counts on us to trust Him for our future.

This exquisite being, who dwelt in eternity in the highest heaven, has consented – even yearned- to live with us in our frail homes of flesh. He longs to be our protector and Lord. Only a mighty God could be powerful enough to be so tender, or strong enough to live with such weakness.

No wonder they call Him the Comforter.

 

Baptism photo courtesy Erik Thorson/ copyright 2013

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DevotionalsHoly Spirit

Breath of God

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The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it,

but do not know where it comes from and where it is going;

so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.

– John 3:8

This is the air I breathe,
This is the air I breathe,
Your Holy Presence, living in me.
-Marie Barnett

Sunday morning arrives in fine form. I’m in fine form, too. Dressed in my best Sunday clothes, I negotiate the thirty-minute drive to church with my favorite Christian band belting out “I’m awake, I’m alive” over the car speakers.

I slip into my usual spot near the back of the church and am soon joined by dear friends. The worship team begins to play and my heart leaps to the music. Joy infuses me as I give myself to join the voices raised to our Creator. Soon, the pastor challenges the congregation with a message from the Bible. I can feel God moving my heart in renewal. I know the Holy Spirit is there.

It wasn’t long ago I was in a different place as events beyond my control sucked the life out of me. I was frustrated and took it out on those around me. I wasn’t feeling holy or calm or civil. I longed for the comfort of the Spirit, but I couldn’t feel Him near.

Had I angered Him and made Him leave me? Was He powerless, busy, or uninterested? Or had He just deserted me?

Who Is the Holy Stranger Who Lives in Us?

The Holy Spirit is probably the least understood of that Godhead we call the Trinity.  Sometimes He is referred to as a force, a fad, or an “it.” And yet the Scriptures reveal a wealth of information about Him.

The Greek term for the Spirit of God is pneuma, or “breath.” He is, however, anything but a mere stirring of air. The Bible describes Him as a powerful and pure personality. Within these verses, we discover this about Him:

  • He is a real person, referred to by such pronouns as “He,” “Whom,” and “Who.”

Luke 4:18; John 7:39; 15:26; 16:7-14; Acts 5:3; Ephesians 1:13-14

  • He is the vital third Person of the Triune God.

Matthew 12:31-32; 28:19; Mark 3:29; Acts 5:3,4; 1 Corinthians 2:11

  • He is eternal and glorious.

Hebrews 9:14; 1 Peter 4:14

  • He speaks to and through mankind.

Matthew 10:20; Mark 13:11; John 16:13; Acts 4:25; 13:2; 20:23; 21:11; 28:25; Hebrews 3:7; 10:15; Revelation 2:7

  • He is the Lifegiver.

Matthew 1:18; John 3:8; Romans 8:11

  • He is our helper and teacher.

John 14:26; 15:26; Hebrews 9:8

  • He can be grieved.

Ephesians 4:30

The Holy Spirit is not a thing. He is someone who can speak, be lied to, is grieved. He feels deep pain, great joy, and intense concern for us. He loves us enough to live with our mercurial human emotions. He cares enough to stay with us through the hopeless nights. He is sealed in His believers – for better or for worse.

What kind of a God leaves a throne to live in a clay house? What does He hope to accomplish by being here on earth?

Next Tuesday: What’s He Here For?

photo courtesy Erik Thorson/copyright 2013

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DevotionalsHoly Spirit

The Safest Place on Earth

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In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth,
the gospel of your salvation – having also believed,
you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise.
Ephesians 1:13

When the Thief Comes to Steal

In his book The Holy Spirit, Billy Graham tells the story of an English missionary who died in India during the early 1900’s.  Immediately his former neighbors broke into his home and pillaged it, stealing the man’s possessions.  The English Consul was notified, and the official went to the missionary’s home.

Since there was no knock on the door, the official simply pasted a piece of paper across it and affixed the seal of England on it.  No one dared to break the seal, because at that time, that seal represented the world’s most powerful nation.  The power of England stood behind a piece of paper on the door.

In the same way, when we are saved, the Holy Spirit takes up official residence within us – effectively “sealing” us for Himself by His power and authority.

The Greek word for “seal” means “to confirm” or “to impress,” and it is used three times in the New Testament in connection with believers.  This sealing represents two important concepts:  security and ownership.

An Irrevocable Decree

Sealing in the sense of security is illustrated in the sealing of Daniel in the lion’s den (Daniel 6:17), and in the irrevocable seal of the king in spoken of in Esther 3:12 and 8:8. The Greek word is used in Matthew 27:65-66 to describe the Roman seal on Jesus’ tomb is the same word used in other New Testament scriptures to speak of the seal of the Holy Spirit.  It meant that whatever was under that seal was not to be opened except by order of the king.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered – I’m Yours

This seal also signifies ownership.  In Jeremiah 32:10 we read that the prophet bought a piece of property, paid for it in front of witnesses, and sealed the purchase in accordance with the law and custom, making him the legal owner.

History tells us ancient Ephesus was a port city, carrying on an extensive trade in lumber.  A merchant looking for lumber would walk through the timber, select what he wanted, and stamp it with his own signet, or sign of ownership.  When he was ready for the lumber, he would send an agent with the signet to locate all the timber carrying his seal.  His agent would then claim and take all the lumber with the master’s mark on it back to the man who bought it.

In the East, a seal on a document was more important than the signature.  The signet used to imprint a seal usually sat in a ring and was inscribed with words or symbols.  It often reflected an office of importance.  It was commonly pressed into clay, because of its resulting permanence, although wax was used, too.  Wax was not as desirable because it was prone to melt in the hot sun.  Clay hardened over time, so that the clay itself would actually have to break in order to break the seal.

We are the clay.  God is the master, and Jesus has bought us.

The imprint of God has been impressed into our hearts, sealing us by the authority of the Lord on High.  We are now His, under His protection.  The power of all heaven stands behind His mark.  He is sealed in us.  He can’t leave without breaking the clay and His promise to never leave or forsake us.  He is with us every step of the way as we walk through this world.

With this understanding, we can better appreciate the words of the apostle Paul:

 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life,
nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come,
nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing,
shall be able to separate us from the love of God,
which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39

Not forsaken. Never alone. Under His guard.

Secure in the safest place on earth.

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Devotionals

What’s in YOUR Heart?

 

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And I will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them.
And I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh.
-Ezekiel 11:19

Our Heart, the Deepest Place

Anyone who’s taken even freshman biology can probably remember what’s in our hearts: mostly blood, muscle, chambers, and valves. But the heart is also a euphemism for the place where our innermost man lives. It’s the seat of our emotions and the chamber of our most secret desires. The Hebrew word for heart in the Old Testament also denotes the deepest place inside us, the room we rarely reveal to others.

It’s the place we rarely unveil even to ourselves.

The things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man.
For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders.
-Matthew 15:18-19

The heart is the real us. That can be frightening if we’re honest enough to take a good look inside. It’s so scary we often craft a careful wall of excuses and religious piety to cover our real motives. We may fool ourselves and others, but there is One from whom we can never hide.

The heart is more deceitful than all else
And is desperately sick;
Who can understand it?
I, the LORD, search the heart.
-Jeremiah 17:9-10

It’s a sobering thing to know God searches my heart. I know what’s in there. I don’t even like me when I look inside. It is beyond me that God, knowing what my heart clutches within its walls, still pursues me to gain that fickle devil for His own. He knows the state of my inner man, and He wants me anyway.

For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance,
but the LORD looks at the heart.
– 1 Samuel 16:7

Throughout history, God has always reached for the heart of His creation. The Bible tells us:

For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.
– 1 Samuel 16:7

God wants our whole hearts – dirt, pain, and all. He loves us, not for what we give or do, but for what we are to Him. When we respond to this love and surrender to Him, He goes to work. He alone can cleanse, purify, and restore us.

It’s this work that changes from the inside out. It’s not about reforming ourselves. That will never happen. It it were about doing everything right, none of us could stand.

Even God’s beloved King David committed two terrible sins: adultery and murder. Although he was severely disciplined for his actions, God later called him a man after His own heart.

How could that be?

With All Your Heart

David was flawed, to be sure. But he ran after God with all that within him. When he fell, he cried out for forgiveness. He sought to be reconciled to God. He surrendered his life to his King.

Jesus told humanity:

YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD GOD WITH ALL YOUR
HEART,
AND WITH ALL YOUR
SOUL,
AND WITH ALL YOUR
MIND.
This is the great and foremost commandment.
-Matthew 22:37-38

This is the great commandment. If we love Him with all that is within us, He will do the rest.

Although David couldn’t trust his own heart, he could entrust it to a faithful Father. David came to understand this one thing: It’s about what’s in our hearts.

It’s about what’s in His.

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Devotionals

Is THAT the Reason We’re Called “Followers?”

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Today I awakened before dawn. The day’s burdens began to weigh upon me as I lay in bed trying to go back asleep. Finally I got up and slipped quietly downstairs to my computer. I sat down and sighed. My plans and life’s circumstances were not getting along.

To gain a little perspective, I went to my old blog and read this November post from 2009:

Okay, I admit it. I’ve been feeling low and grumbly lately. Sure, I have all the usual stresses in my life that being a full-time caregiver bring. But I can’t blame my mood on that.  Actually, our lives have been fairly stable in recent months. Back in the days that Kevin was most ill or in the hospital for one reason or another, I’d have given my eye teeth for days like these. Those days, it would have been heaven just to spend an afternoon in my own kitchen cooking one of our favorite meals, to sit with the family playing the newest version of Family Feud together, or to sleep in my own bed instead of trying to fold myself up into a hospital chair for the night.

So I really can’t complain. As a matter of fact, I should be rejoicing. God has been very good to us, despite our situation. I should be grateful. 

And I am. Truly, I am.

The source of my bad attitude lately has been disappointment. Recent events in our situation have made it clear that I must go back to school for my nursing license.

That wasn’t in my plans. I didn’t even see it coming. I was sure I knew God’s path for me and was enthusiastically pursuing what I thought was His plan. Then a big STOP sign appeared out of nowhere and loomed ahead in the road.

Oops. What is this ?

At first it shook me to think that I missed God by so much. Then I remembered that I can’t trust my own heart because it has been proven to be a selfish and deceitful creature. God is, ultimately, the only one who really knows what is ahead. He’s the only one who knows how to bring us safely through the minefields of this world. I have to let Him lead the way, even when it means a detour – or a permanent change – from the previous path.

There’s a reason we’re called followers of Jesus.

He’s the leader.

When events change without warning in my life, it’s time to step back, drop my preconceptions, and let Him show me the way. And it wouldn’t hurt me to thank Him for being such a good and faithful Captain.

I know these things, deep within that blood-red altar where my spirit dwells in worship of the King. Even when I am totally befuddled with His ways, I know that He is trustworthy. Even when my mind rears up in self-righteous rebellion to His guidance – by force of the Spirit Who empowers my feeble faith – I will bow my knee to what my soul knows to be the truth:

He is Lord.

He loves us fiercely.

He alone knows the way Home.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Four years later,

I can say “Amen” without hesitation. Although the journey was formidable as I pursued my nursing license, it was indeed the right path for me. I emerged on the other side more convinced than ever of God’s immeasurable wisdom and power. I just needed to be reminded of that this morning.

If you are struggling with that big detour sign blocking off your dreams today, don’t be afraid. When He changes our plans, it’s because His are better. He’s big and strong, and He will safely lead you to the finish line. You only have one thing to do.

Follow.

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Devotionals

A Harvest about to Rot

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The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. – Matthew 9:37

They stand at attention in tight little rows, soldiers in the fight against take-out. I pop into the cold storage that sits against the hillside next to our home and survey the troops. It has taken many hours of hard work, but I am proud of the bounty for which I have fought: jars of tender tomatoes for chicken salsa and Stevens stew, golden pie filling for steamy holiday pies, festive pink cinnamon applesauce for warm winter cookies.

Suzy Homemaker is alive and well in my kitchen.

The rash of productivity has been inspired by an abundant apple crop in our little orchard this year.  Three small trees outdid themselves, bearing such heavy branches of fruit we had to prop some of them up until harvest. We literally picked wheelbarrows full of apples.

After weeks of canning, the glow is beginning to wear off. Suzy is tired. My sixty-year-old bones clatter in a collective groan. Other projects await my attention. I went out to the barn yesterday to see how many boxes I have left to can.

I was shocked. It looks as if I haven’t even touched the stack. My cup runneth over. And over.

So the canning will continue. We can’t let the harvest go to waste. It represents hours of my husband’s hard work pruning, watering, spraying, and picking those apples.  If I don’t take care of them, they will rot and wind up food for the wild things that wander our property.

I will work, and we will eat pie.

Beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest. – Matthew 9:38

I used to wonder why Jesus used such a strong word as “beseech.” He didn’t tell His disciples to ask for workers, or to request workers. He used a word that described intense urgency and longing. Beseech.

The world is God’s field. Every soul belongs in his harvest. He is more than unwilling that none should perish. His great heart breaks each time someone is lost. It is His will that we all have that same sense of urgency. What could be more important than the preservation of a human soul for eternity? How can we walk on by and ignore His plea?

He yearns for us to care so much that we will put aside our own pursuits and get to work. He wants us to realize those that lie dying on the vine and earnestly pray as we labor alongside Him. Otherwise the fruit for which He has toiled will go to the creatures of the night.

Let’s prioritize our life for the work to which He has called us. The harvest is ripe, the weather is fickle, and there’s no time to waste. Look to the fields around us. Outside our doors lies a world about to rot.

Work and pray. What can you do this week to save a precious life?

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Devotionals

What They Didn’t Tell Us

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Until our nineteen-year-old son broke his neck in a fall in the summer of 1997, we knew little about spinal cord injuries. His break was very high, and the chance of his survival was bleak. Since he was injured during a trip to Canada and we live in the United States, it was a difficult journey to join him at the hospital. When we were able to get to his bedside, we found him totally paralyzed from the neck down and attached to life support.

Grim-faced doctors told us the many challenges Kevin faced:

  • He would never breathe or move again below his neck or possibly his shoulders.
  • He would need round-the-clock care.
  • He would certainly suffer from a host of complications such as pneumonia, blood clots, and urinary tract infections.
  • He could never live at home again. He couldn’t even return to the United States because no airline would accept him in his condition, no doctor would sign to receive him, no medical team would accompany him on the flight, and the cost to fly him home would be prohibitive.
  • He could not stay in Canada.

For our son, and for us, the situation seemed hopeless. One doctor was angry when we resisted a push for euthanasia.

What most of the doctors didn’t tell us was that their predictions weren’t written in stone. Yes, Kevin did suffer from pneumonia in the beginning weeks. Urinary tract infections have been a continuing challenge for Kevin. And yes, he needs round-the-clock care.

But none of the rest of it happened.

People, churches, and organizations in Canada soon learned of his injuries and rallied to his cause. Within a week, Kevin was flown back to the United States in a chartered Lear jet, accompanied by a volunteer medical team – the entire cost paid by donations.

He was received into a hospital close to home and later released to a rehabilitation hospital.

As his body came out of spinal shock, he began to regain function and feeling, stunning the doctors and therapists. This healing would continue for several years.

What no one told us was that one day Kevin would breathe again on his own, walk with help, and return home to rebuild his life. Although he remains mostly disabled, he has movement and feeling in most of his body. He only uses the ventilator at night to sleep.

In the years since his injury, he has built a computer 3-D graphics studio with his brother and founded a popular Christian music website. He lives each day with faith and trust and without complaint.

No one told us that caring for him would bring us such joy. No one explained how much his life would enrich us, or how much we would learn about courage in the process. Certainly these years have been hard. But when I see Kevin laughing and chasing his nieces around in his wheelchair, or taking his dog for a walk, or working with press agents and music companies and complicated animation software, I am reminded of all the beauty they never told me to expect.

They never told us to have hope.

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Devotionals

When the Path Gets Rocky

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We all stumble in many ways. – James 3:2

It was another hot August day. I was working outside and feeling increasingly irritated in the oppression of the afternoon heat. A hint of smoke from some distant wildfire loitered menacingly in the breeze. Alarmed, I paused to scan the sky for the dreaded pillar that signaled another threat to our home – a yearly occurrence. I saw none. But the brown hills looked the way I felt: tinder dry; brittle; apt to erupt in spontaneous combustion.

The project I was working on with my husband hit a snag. Instantly, we were at odds. It seemed to be happening a lot lately. I stormed away from the argument and grabbed the car keys, using the excuse of needing to pick up the mail as an opportunity to cool off. I cranked the car air conditioner up along with some of my favorite Christian music and headed to the post office.

There was only one letter in the box. The envelope was addressed to “The Wonderful Kevin Thorson and Family.” A pang of guilt shot through me. Kevin was fine, but the “Family” wasn’t feeling too wonderful that day.

My drive did cool me off, but I had to face the fact that I couldn’t blame my attitude on external factors. Why was I stumbling so often lately? What was I missing?

This moment happened several years ago, and now I can identify some of the factors leading up to my meltdown. Some are changeable; some aren’t. But I’m convinced it is less about external factors and more about internal pressures that afflict us all.

So how can we keep on our feet when our path is strewn with unavoidable pitfalls? How do we respond when we find ourselves face down in the dirt? As my daily scrapes and bumps have revealed to me, there are some vital strategies for staying sane:

*Don’t ignore the warning signs. When I’m feeling irritable, it might be lack of sleep, illness, or just the fact I’m letting things get to me. When the red flags pop up, it’s time for a little openness and brokenness with God.

*Make Bible reading as important as eating that next meal. Don’t lean on past knowledge or a set of principles to guide us through the minefield. It’s like using an outdated map to find a new city. God’s Word is active, living, and a well-worn Scripture can jump out at the precise moment it’s needed to save the day. We have to allow God to speak to us if we’re going to avoid the pits.

*Keep alert. Our enemy, Satan, is constantly on the prowl. Don’t get complacent.

*Know our limits. And don’t stray beyond them.

*Think beyond the event to its source. What causes us to lose our cool? Why do we react to certain pressures and how can we defuse those situations?

*Pray actively and constantly. It doesn’t take a “quiet time” to talk to God. Stay on the line with Him all day long. Pray on the fly, in the car, in the bathroom if you must. Be honest and be sure to listen.

*Remember we are just dust encasing a soul. We’re going to fail. We need to forgive ourselves and learn from our mistakes.

Yes, we’re going to fall along the way on our journey. We can, however, learn from our mistakes. God knows we’re prone to failure, but He does’t want us to fail. He wants to give us light for our path and bring us safely to the destination He has planned for us.

In fact, He’s just waiting for us on the path, if we choose to let Him lead the way.

 

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Devotionals

The Yoke in My Head

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Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
For my yoke is easy and My burden is light.
-Matthew 11:29-30

The sun was a fiery ball in the bay sky. A splendid dinner of  barbecued steaks, prawns, and all the good things that go with such a meal sat contentedly in our  stomachs as we gathered on the deck. A friendly wager rested on the exact moment the sun would slip behind the ocean’s vast horizon.

We were enjoying the last hours of an awesome family vacation, our first since our son was injured sixteen years ago. It was a gift from a cherished cousin and her husband, and one that was more needed than I could ever truly express.

My cousin couldn’t know just how raw my soul was.

I have long struggled with Jesus’ words in Matthew 11:29-30. I always understood He was speaking of allowing Him to carry our burdens for us. I just never could reconcile that with the reality of my life. We raised five children, with all its attending joys and cares. I educated all five of them at home, a daunting task at any time, but especially so after our son was injured.

After his spinal cord injury in 1997, we were told caring for him at home would be “impossible.” I had to add “accomplishing the impossible” to my to-do list for each day.

Then circumstances required I return to school and become a licensed practical nurse. In my spare time, after I’ve done the impossible for the day.

Now I am an author, with its attending responsibilities.

Most of these things I have made peace with and even found joy in their midst. Then, lately, a crisis in my extended family descended upon us. The pressure has been nearly unbearable for me. It has been a crushing yoke, permeating my thought life and consuming my days.

The vacation came just in time. At the beach, I was not available to solve a single problem. It wasn’t that trouble wasn’t happening; I simply could not solve anything until I returned home.

The freedom in my brain was exhilarating. In this rarefied air I made a startling discovery:

The yoke Jesus wants me to give up is the one in my head.

He never told us life wouldn’t be hard. In fact, He promised us a life of trial as His disciples. But that wasn’t the yoke He was talking about. He wants to relieve the burdens my soul is carrying.

I thought I already knew this. In principle I understood He wanted me to give Him my life and my problems. And I have always tried to trust God.  What I didn’t realize was how much I worry-think about things all day long. I have been yoked to my thought life, mentally pulling a heavy cart of burdens. It was only when I was unstrapped from them that I realized how much life they stole from me.

We returned after our vacation to new and intimidating challenges here at home. But I am determined to live at the beach. I left that heavy, old yoke in the foaming tide at sunset. I am actively learning to stop whenever I catch myself falling back into old thought patterns of worry and analyzing and trying to sort out the complexities assaulting us. I still have to work, but I don’t have to turn over my soul to it.

If you want to reach me, I will be here.

But my heart is at the beach.

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Devotionals

To Kill the Longing

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We inched down the winding mountain pass toward the ocean, smothered in a thick fog. After ten hours on the road through a fierce thunderstorm, our nerves were frayed. We rounded a curve and our headlights caught a raccoon in the middle of our lane.

The light dissolved his eyes into a watery green glow. He reared up in hapless defiance and raised his little paws as if to fend us off.

My husband swerved, barely missing.

So far, it was the most positive thing that had happened on the trip.

It was our first real family vacation in sixteen years. A generous cousin offered us the use of their beachfront rental for a week on the Oregon coast. Knowing a trip of that length would test our ability to travel with Kevin’s extensive medical needs, we planned as carefully as we could.

Then the week before the trip, The Resistance began. Aaron’s mother had a medical emergency and was ordered by her doctor to go immediately into an assisted living center. The family was inundated with a myriad details to get her moved within a few days.

The day before we left, we were still taking care of her issues while trying to pack. That night, there was a thunderstorm, taking out the power for two hours. Since Kevin sleeps on a ventilator at night, we had to switch his equipment over to emergency power and watch to make sure he was okay.

We left the next day after a few hours of sleep. Immediately out of the driveway, our nearly new van flashed a warning light. We spent an hour in town getting it checked out.

Back on the road again, we watched an ominous storm gather around us. It descended in earnest over the Columbia Gorge. A gale slammed us sidelong and threatened to blow us off the road. Lightning hit so close we actually had to try to keep from touching anything metal inside the van. Thunder boomed above our heads.

We hit Portland during rush hour. “Margie,” our little GPS guide, taunted us by commanding us to crisscross between lanes of heavy traffic. We turned her off and found our own way.

We finally made it to the coastal highway, only to be hit with a heavy rain. As we inched down the winding mountain pass, we were wrapped in a heavy fog.

We arrived at our lovely beach house shaken but unhurt. Our son and daughter-in-law arrived a few hours later, telling much the same story.

“It felt like something out of ‘This Present Darkness,’ ” my daughter-in-law mentioned.

Bingo.

All the time I thought it was just me. The warfare was so intense, it was insane. It didn’t make sense.

My first thought was, “It’s not like it was a Billy Graham Crusade. Why should the devil care that we’re going on vacation?”

Before the week was over, however, I realized why the battle to get there was so fierce. It was a truly blessed time. We played together and prayed together. God spoke to us in the Christian music, the fellowship, the laughter, and the peace. We stood on the beach and listened to the sea. We watched the sun set the water on fire every evening and gloried in the blaze as it sank into the horizon.

I got to see my beloved extended family again. We swapped family stories and laughed and cried until it hurt so good.

In Brazil they use the phrase “Matar saudades.” It literally means, “to kill the longing.” For sixteen years, we have lived in the valley of the shadow. Life has been hard. Many of the simple joys have gone by the wayside as we struggled to make it through each day. For the most part, we’ve adjusted to our new normal and submitted to the discipline it takes to keep Kevin healthy.

We’ve learned to accept hardship as our path. We didn’t expect to encounter something so extravagant, so rich, so abundant. To be blessed with such generosity. To be alive just for the fun of it. To kick sand in the face of loss.

Now I know why it was such a struggle to get here. This was more than a vacation. We came to kill the longing.

 

Photo courtesy Grace Thorson 

 

Recently I had the honor of being featured in an interview with author Aaron Gansky. Check out the interview at http://aarongansky.com/author-spotlight-pamela-thorson/.

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