Category: Unstoppable

Unstoppable: Jim and Juanita Soyk

Jim and Juanita Soyk
Photo courtesy Grace Thorson

A good name is to be more desired than great wealth ~Psalms 22:1 (NASB)

It’s Sunday afternoon, and our son’s dog is dancing in the kitchen because two of her favorite people are rolling up to our door. It takes a bit for them to get out of the car and up the sidewalk. Jim Soyk Sr. hunches over his walker as he concentrates on keeping up with his feet. His wife Juanita directs him from behind while with a firm grasp. Two halves of a dynamic duo have just entered our house, and our world has come alive.

Jim grew up in abject poverty in Wisconsin, the second son of a drunken carpenter and his sweet wife. His father both abused and neglected the family, and Jim grew up long before his time. As a child, he worked to support his mom and sisters while his dad cavorted around the community bars. As a young man, he defended his mother from his father. In school, he learned to fight the bullies that mocked his ragged clothes.

His father taught him to be tough. His mother taught him to be gentle.

But the hunger and the hardships and the rags he wore would not define this boy as he grew to manhood. Although he had every reason in the world to be a thug, James Neil Soyk, Sr. grew to be a gentle giant. Early in life he displayed a keen intellect and a deep interest in electronics. He escaped the harsh life of Wisconsin by enlisting in the Navy and earning an engineer’s license. While in the Navy he met and married a beautiful Southern girl named Opal. Together they had two children, Pam and Jim Soyk, Jr.

After the Navy, Jim pursued a career in broadcasting, a choice that resulted in a nomadic lifestyle during the early years for the family. When they discovered the Lewis-Clark Valley, though, they felt that they had finally found “home.” Here Jim quickly became a public figure. His ease before audiences and quick wit earned him many appearances. He was a popular emcee at events and as a disc jockey for a local radio station. He was especially beloved as the character “Auntie Maude,” the cantankerous elderly “lady” that dispensed her wisdom to audiences in local venues.

Life would deal him more harsh blows.

He nearly died in a car accident in 1967. As the airwaves were alive with news of a six-day-war in Israel, Jim fought for his life in the hospital. He finally returned home, thin and pallid from his injuries and the hepatitis he contracted from the blood transfusions he received. With his customary humor, he told people he was the only person he knew who had a gall bladder removed by a Rambler.

Jim became a believer in the Lord Jesus in the mid-1970’s, radically changing the course of his life. He began to understand the Father he had never known, the one who had preserved him through his dad’s beatings, through the starving times, and through a devastating car accident. This knowledge would empower him to extend grace and forgiveness to his earthly father. It would also bring his entire family to a saving knowledge of Christ.

Then, in 1989, Opal suffered a series of strokes. Jim became her caregiver until it was physically impossible to keep her at home. In 1994, she joined her Lord.

Then along came “Janey.”

This lovely and vivacious lady suffered much loss of her own before meeting Jim. She was the eleventh child of thirteen in her family. Her father died when she was six years old, and the younger children were raised by her mother and her second oldest brother.

Her mother cleaned rooms, took in laundry, and sold her homemade tortillas to make ends meet. One of Juanita’s brothers worked at the nearby airport before he went to school to earn some money.

Tragedy struck her life once again during a rafting trip with friends on the Snake River. The raft unexpectedly got caught in an eddy,  dumping Juanita and a friend into the water. Juanita nearly drowned but made it out. Her friend died.

Later, her first marriage ended in a painful divorce. Forced to start a new and unplanned life on her own, she earned her general equivalency diploma, her certificate as a nursing assistant, and an associate’s degree in medical terminology.

Separately, Jim and Juanita had learned to conquer adversity. Together, they would find new strength and a new calling.

They were married on Christmas Day in 1994, blending two lives and two families. They served in local politics, Jim as county commissioner and Juanita as election judge and head of the Republican ladies’ committee.

Leland Church
Photo courtesy Erik Thorson

A New Calling

In 2002, they answered the call to open the doors of a church that had long been closed. The Leland Methodist Church had once housed a vibrant membership, but when Leland died as a town, the church had finally been forced to close its doors. It had been silent for about thirty years when Jim and Juanita took on the arduous task of cleaning it up and building a new congregation.

The church’s exterior siding was faded, and its exquisite stained glass windows sagged in places, but in September of 2002, one hundred people crowded its sanctuary to celebrate the opening of Leland Pioneer Community Church. Once again the sound of praise filled the air as the gentle giant stood in the pulpit and wept with joy.

For fifteen years, Jim and Juanita served their Leland neighbors, their families, and the surrounding communities with generosity, laughter, and plenty of Juanita’s special salsa. Their loyalty to those they love has been as inspiring as their determination. It was often a lonely journey as they soldiered on through personal heartache and physical ailments. They kept the church doors open through lean times and good times, and only stepped down when Jim’s health became too fragile to continue on.

The church has been sold, but the doors remain open, a testament to the witness the Soyks have left behind. Jim and Juanita have moved to Lewiston to be closer to family and healthcare. But much of their hearts remain in the communities they have loved.

Today, on September 26, Jim Soyk is eighty-five years old.

Today, I celebrate all that he and Juanita are to those whose lives have been touched by them. Jim is my precious dad, and Juanita is my beloved step-mother. Today, I wanted you to know what I know. I wanted you to know that their smiles have been hard-won, the praise they give to God springing from grateful hearts. Their journey has been hard, but God has given them a greater grace for each step. Though much adversity, they have always pressed on for the glory of God. I am so proud of them, and I love them so much.

Thanks, Dad, for always being there. Thanks for making it easy to love my heavenly Father because of the example you set. Thank-you for living with integrity so that your family could wear a good name.

Thank-you, Juanita, for loving us unconditionally and for accepting us as your family.

Happy birthday, Dad. Your faith has made you both unstoppable.

Unstoppable: The Greening Family, Part 4 -A New Normal

 

 

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Photo courtesy Erik Thorson/2014

 

For the past three weeks, Anita Greening and her family have been sharing their journey through a bewildering series of setbacks and how they have leaned on God during this time. In this last part,  Anita shares how she has come to find their “new normal” and the wonderful news she has just received.

How have you learned to fight the fear and despair that comes with a serious illness?

When I felt that fear and pain coming my way, I made a conscious decision to think on something else. I would open the bible, turn on some uplifting music, or just say out loud, “No, I will not think on that today!”

The cancer journey has been much harder on my family in many ways than it has been on me. The emotional aspect of it for them was very difficult. Seeing me sick and not able to do the things I had always done was hard for them. The uncertainty they felt about the future and about my future was difficult for them, too.

For me, other than the physical effects from cancer and the chemo, I wasn’t too concerned about it. I always believed and confessed that cancer died 2000 years ago on the cross of Christ, and I believed that God wasn’t finished with my life on earth. I felt sick, exhausted, and in pain, but I haven’t been too concerned about whether or not I would be well again. I just truly believed I would be.

For me, the hardest struggle has been financially. It’s funny how I can trust God in some areas and struggle to trust in others, as if God would say to me, “All right, I can take care of this for you, but I won’t help you with that problem.” It sounds silly, but I believed God would take care of the cancer, but I have struggled with the idea of Him taking care of the financial aspect. My biggest concern throughout my journey has been the financial one. I prayed and prayed for God to removed this heavy burden from our backs, and the more I prayed, the harder things became financially. I would awaken in pain and nausea, but the all-engulfing problem to me was our financial difficulties.

It was a long road for me to learn to trust God in this area. It hasn’t been easy, but at this point I am able to step out there and just tell my Heavenly Father what we need and trust Him with the answer–even when the bills pile up or go unpaid month after month. God has been persistent through our journey to move us to a deeper level of faith and trust in Him, to teach us to be content with what we have, to help us face our fears and overcome them through Him, and to bring us to a place of peace in our “new” normal way of life.

He has never let go of us as He walked with us through the valley of the shadow.

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That is so beautiful, Anita. What would you tell someone else who is enduring a similar trial right now?

I would tell them emphatically that no matter what, they can make it! If they will yield to God and allow God to have His way, He will bring them through their situation. I would tell them to never, ever give up. Keep going, keep believing, and know that God is there for them. He loves them deeply. I would honestly tell them it will be painful, it will hurt. It will be very difficult but through it all, God will never let them go. Be honest with God. He can handle your honesty. Be honest with others. Let others know when you need help, when you need prayer, or when you just want to be alone.

You have an update on your condition. Please share it with us.

I had a CT scan that was clear. There was no more evidence of cancer. The oncologist said the CT didn’t show microscopic cancer cells, and therefore I would need to continue chemo for the next few months. Afterward, I will be having maintenance chemo for another few months to help ensure that the cancer will not return.

Hannah has started at a diagnostic clinic at UAMS. She had her first appointments in August and September. We are hopeful to find a diagnosis for her and are believing God for health for her, as well.

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 Thanks for sharing your family’s story with such honesty. It has taken great courage to walk the path you have with faith. If people want to keep in touch or help out with your expenses, how can they contact you?

This is our family’s donation page: http://www.gofundme.com/thegreeningfamily

My Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/AnitaK316

Jordan’s YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/Jordan1617

Hannah’s YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/HannahNoelle2158

Jordan on CMADDICT:  http://www.cmaddict.com/article_page.php?article_id=438

Unstoppable: The Greening Family, Part 3- Never Hidden from Him

The last two weeks, we have been blessed and challenged by the story of the Greening family’s faith in the face of continuing hardships. Today, in the next segment of the interview, Anita shares how they are learning to trust God for provision and healing in every area of their lives. Be sure to stop by next Thursday for the conclusion and to hear Anita’s good news.

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What’s your favorite Bible verse? What verses have sustained Matthew and you through these last years?

These verses are some of Matthew’s favorite verses from the Bible. He has leaned on them and God has brought him comfort and strength through them.

Behold God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; for Yah, the Lord is my strength and my song; he is also become my salvation. -Isaiah 12:2

Psalm 23

When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him. -Isaiah 59:19b

I have so many favorite verses in the Bible, but if I had to choose just one, I would choose Isaiah 41:9-10:

I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, “You are my servant;” I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

God has comforted and strengthened me with this verse over and over again.

Jordan writes a weekly article for the music website CMADDICT.com. What is the series about and what motivates her to write for this particular site?

Jordan was asked by the owner of CMADDICT.com to contribute to his website awhile back. She was blessed and honored by this request and was excited to be a part of the site. She writes a weekly article and makes a video of her music that she wrote in the hope of inspiring others and pointing them to Jesus Christ. She is motivated to write because of her love for Jesus and her love for others. The desire to share her faith in God and the hope to be able to lead others to the Lord also motivates her. She has such a passion for God and has been through so many personal trials herself, as well as seeing and hearing from so many hurting people. She wants to encourage people to look to Jesus, to look beyond themselves to God.

She knows that when we take the focus off ourselves, our perspective is changed, hearts are changed, and lives are made new. Through God, people can endure anything. She believes true life and true love are found in God through Jesus Christ. The series she writes is based and focused on all of these things.

How do you find God’s strength on the hard days?

There have been those days that the loss, pain, and despair would creep up on me and engulf me. During these times, I felt that I could no longer find hope. At times I just really wanted to give up. I was weary I felt overwhelmed by trial upon trial; problem after problem, more and more and more issues. Inside, I felt I had nothing left.

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Nothing left to give. Nothing left to say. Nothing left to hope for. I remember grieving and crying out to God and feeling as if He was a million miles away. I remember being brutally honest with God and telling Him that my family and I had had enough. I told Him that we were just flesh and bone, and we didn’t have super-human strength, and we just couldn’t take it anymore!

I believe God loves our honesty, and He is strong enough to deal with our pain, anger, and disappointments. There is not a thought we can have that is ever hidden from Him, anyway.

I remember asking Him where He was. Where was our help? God was remarkably quiet during those times. He knew what He was doing, but to me, everything about life was way out of control. At times I was angry, Matt was angry, and even our children were angry.

At times, we were all afraid. We cried. We cried together, and we cried separately. We cried out to God. We prayed together and individually. We learned through it all not to look back very often. Honestly, when we remembered the good times in the past, it brought all the more pain to our current way of life.

So we learned to live in the present. We learned to be content with what we had. We learned it wasn’t important to have abundance. Instead, the greater value was in that deep trust that came from God providing for our needs day by day. When we had no idea where food or clothing or any provision would come from, we learned to trust God.

It wasn’t comfortable, pleasant, or enjoyable.

Not at first.

Next Thursday: A New Trust

 

Find the Greening family here:

Donation page: http://www.gofundme.com/thegreeningfamily

Anita’s Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/AnitaK316

Jordan’s YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/Jordan1617

Hannah’s YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/HannahNoelle2158

Jordan on CMADDICT: http://www.cmaddict.com/article_page.php?article_id=430

 

Unstoppable: In the Face of Hardship – The Greening Family, Part 2

Last week we posted the first part of an interview with Anita Greening and her family. Anita is fighting ovarian cancer and describes their determination to serve God in the midst of suffering in this poignant second part of the series.

You and your family have exhibited a strong faith in the face of crushing hardships.

Please tell us about your faith journey:

What have you had to give to God? What is He teaching you through your recent trials, both individually and as a family?

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Faith in God is what has carried us through every difficulty we have faced. God has been our strength, our comfort, our encouragement, and our life. Our trials truly began ten years ago in 2004 when my husband and I worked for the same company. This company suddenly closed due to an insurance glitch, and we were both without a job. After months of looking for work in my hometown, we ended up selling a lot of our possessions and moving to Waxahachie, Texas, where my husband was attending Bible college. We hoped that in moving so near to Dallas, he would be able to find a good job.

It didn’t happen. After spending nearly a year there, we moved to our current town in Arkansas. Jobs have been hard to find here as well. It has been very difficult financially for our family for many years. Still, God has been faithful and has sustained us. We have learned what it is like to be fed day by day, from God’s hand to our mouths. We have learned to be content with what we have and to take one day at a time with God’s help. We have had to go deeper in faith and trust than we ever imagined going.

Peanut Butter and Two Loaves of Bread

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I remember a couple of weeks when my husband was traveling due to his job that the girls and I lived off of a jar of peanut butter and two loaves of bread. There were no funds for food and that was all we had. We thanked God for it and for his provision.

My husband finished his Bachelor’s degree, and I too obtained a degree as a Radiological Technologist. His degree in church administration did not help us in our new location, and unbeknownst to be at the time, there were so many radiologic technologists in our state that finding a job was extremely difficult. To this day, I haven’t worked in this field. It has been a huge disappointment.

Also during this time, my husband lost his mother to a long-endured battle with lymphoma cancer. It was heartbreaking and so painful! I too lost my dad, who also suffered from bladder cancer and congestive heart failure. We were all grieving.


After being diagnosed with cancer in January of 2013, I was traveling back and forth to Little Rock, Arkansas for treatment. It is about an hour and 15 minutes drive one way. We had one car and it was very old. It gave out and wasn’t worth fixing nor did we have the funds to fix it. We went three months without a vehicle. It was hard. We borrowed and shared my mother’s car which she graciously allowed us to use on a daily basis. After finally purchasing another more reliable vehicle, we were hopeful that things would get better.

 

We were in shock! How could this have happened? What were we going to do now? We prayed. We sought God. It seemed God was silent. With all that we had, we continued to pray, give tithes and offerings to God with what we had left, and keep trusting in Him.  My husband worked on finding another job, and I began to have more health difficulties. It was in that same month that I began to notice what I thought were symptoms of the ovarian cancer once again.

 
 

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My husband began to take on my daily work load in the house, as well as continuing to look for work, working on his Master’s Degree through distance education, taking care of Samuel, and many other tasks. Matthew for awhile was angry about the cancer returning. He felt that I had been through enough and that our family had too. He became quiet and withdrawn for awhile as he worked on his feelings about all that was going on. So much has occurred in our family over the last ten years, it sometimes seems overwhelming! Matthew looked to God through prayer, the Bible, church, and Christian music. He has a strong faith in God and in God’s ability to heal. He prays for me daily and almost nightly lays a hand on me and prays for my health before going to sleep. Also, Matthew continues to lead our family to church and leads me in communion almost daily. As he works on his Master’s Degree in Licensed Professional Counseling, he works on helping our children deal with all the heartaches, pain, and sickness that our family has been through over a ten year period.

 

Matthew, as his name means, has been a gift from God to me and our family.

 

God has been ever present during our difficulties. We have seen him in simple things like the joy and laughter in our children’s faces, a gentle breeze and just the beauty of nature. We have felt his presence during prayer, in the midst of our tears, and in those times we just felt we could go no further and then there would suddenly be strength to keep going. We knew the strength came from Him. We have seen God at work through prayers and encouragement from friends and family. People from all over have prayed for me and my family.

 

It is humbling. It seems our lives are transparent and open before the world. That has been a big adjustment for me as I have always been a private type of individual. So many people have sent cards, notes, gifts and even financial help. Yes, God has been there through it all. Through the fear, the pain, the tears, the heartache, the financial problems, the loss, the disappointments, there was God. We know that everything we have faced and are currently enduring was allowed for a divine reason. My prayer is that good comes from it and that God will be glorified through it. We hold onto Jeremiah 29:11 that says,” For I know the plans that I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.”

 

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We believe that “All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord and are called according to His promise” Romans 8:28. We as a family are thankful. We are thankful to God and his goodness to us. He is for us, and who (or what) can be against us? Where there is God, there is life….spiritual life, physical life, financial life, abundant life. We may not see it all at this time, but we know He is the source, and we believe in Him.  We know that His goodness and mercy is following us all the days of our lives (Psalm 23). Thank you God!

Next Thursday: Unstoppable, Part 3

Visit the Greening Family here:

The Greening family continues to have crushing medical bills as Anita and Hannah fight for their health. Please visit their gofundme site and consider making a donation to help ease their burden.

The Greening  Family’s Donation Page:  http://www.gofundme.com/thegreeningfamily

 

 

 

Unstoppable: The Greening Family, Part 1

Today I am honored to introduce you to the Greening family. I first learned about them through my son Kevin, who is the founder and senior editor of a website devoted to Christian music, CMADDICT.com. Jordan Greening is an aspiring musician and writes a weekly article for the site, called Jordan for Jesus. Her enthusiasm for God and her radiant smile belie the incredible hardships faced by her family in the last ten years. When I learned of all they have endured, I knew I had to share their story with you. This is the first of a three-part series, so be sure to check in the next two weeks for the final installments. You will be inspired and blessed by them, because this family is….Unstoppable.

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You and Matthew have three children. What are their names and ages?

Our oldest daughter is Jordan. She is 22. Our youngest daughter is Hannah and she is 20. We have one son, Samuel, who is 2 years old. We adopted him in 2012, a few months before I was originally diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

 

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How has God gifted each of them? What dreams and goals do Jordan and Hannah have for the future?

Jordan

Jordan

Jordan loves to sing and write music. Not just any music, but music for God. She has loved the Lord and Christian music since she was very young. I remember Jordan singing along with Christian music CDs when she was in kindergarten and even 1st grade. She started singing specials in church when she was around six, and she also loves to sing for YouTube. She loves the Lord very much and I would say her dream would be to work as a Christian music artist professionally. She works day and night on music and taught herself to play guitar and a little on the keyboard.

She hopes to travel one day and share her faith and love for the Lord with others as well as share the music God gives her. She has quite a following on her twitter site where she works to encourage people and share her faith as well. I cannot begin to recall the numbers of people both young and old that have messaged me through the years because they were so encouraged by Jordan and the things she has written to them online. Some were just renewed in their faith, some were encouraged or inspired, some were led to Jesus and some even turned from suicide or self harm after talking with her. She truly desires to please the Lord and hopes that through her faith and walk with Him, she would be able to point people to Jesus Christ.

Jesus is her first and only love.

Jordan is also in college as a part-time student working toward an associate degree. She hopes to transfer to a 4 year college at some point in the future.

Hannah

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Hannah also loves to sing and is a self-taught rapper as well. She writes her own music as well as singing music by other artists. She has sung in churches since she was very little and for YouTube for a number of years. Hannah also loves the Lord and lives her life for Him. She has a strong faith and a very compassionate nature. She has been a supporter of children suffering from cancer for many years. She began making special edited pictures and videos of children who were dealing with cancer while she was in her teens. She was careful to ask permission from the families before doing this.

Through time, people began approaching her for pictures and videos for their children. She has worked doing these things for years online and faithfully prays for the children and their families. She has often sent the families and their children messages and words of encouragement or even gifts through the mail.  I have often seen her in tears when these precious little ones would gain their angel wings and pass to the arms of Jesus in Heaven. Even after their passing, Hannah continues to support their families and the legacy of these precious children through pictures and videos online.

Through this work, she was asked to help with Talia Castellano’s social media sites. Talia was a YouTube sensation and an inspiration to many people throughout the world. Though she was young, Talia touched many hearts and lives with her spunky and cheerful and inspirational nature. Talia also appeared on the Ellen show a number of times. Talia passed away about a year ago at the age of 12.  Hannah has felt honored to be able to work with Talia’s family and friends and help with Talia’s Face Book page, YouTube, and twitter site to keep Talia’s legacy alive and help bring support, funding, and awareness to childhood cancer. Through these things, Hannah decided to work toward a degree in Nursing and desires to work in pediatric oncology. She has completed all of her basics at this point and hopes to apply this spring for the Nursing program in a local community college in our town.

Samuel     

handsome child of all

What a surprise and joy when our youngest, Samuel Isaiah, became a part of our family! He has been a blessing to everyone. He is a smart little fellow who knows his colors and how to count to 16 at two years of age! He loves to sing, color, look at books, and has a huge interest in cars and trucks. He loves to watch mommy and daddy cook and hopes to one day be in the middle of it all! Samuel is such a friendly little fellow and he makes friends wherever he goes. We were overjoyed when he became a part of our family and we know that God planned him just for us. We really didn’t think we would ever have a son, but God had other plans! Samuel has been with us since he was 3 months old and his adoption began suddenly on my husband’s birthday in June of 2012 and ended on my daughter Jordan’s birthday in November of 2012.  We tell Samuel that he was born out of our hearts. Indeed, my cup runneth over!

What is your medical status at the moment? How is Hannah?

At this point, I have relapsed with ovarian cancer stage 3C. I am currently taking chemo once a month for 6 months. If the cancer recedes, and I become once again NED (no evidence of disease), I will then have around 6 maintenance chemo infusions at the end of my treatment. These will also be one each month for 6 months. I have an upcoming CT to let us know how I am doing. We are hopeful that the cancer is diminishing.
Hannah suffers daily from many symptoms including bone pain, joint pain and swelling, swollen lymph nodes, migraines, anemia, chronic fatigue, nausea, blood abnormalities and etc. She has seen many specialists over the years, but none have been able to piece together her symptoms and come up with a diagnosis. We are hoping to soon schedule her with a team of doctors or in a diagnostic clinic where tests can be done in hopes of finding a diagnosis and getting her the help she needs.

Next Thursday: Part 2 – In the Face of Hardship

 

Learn more about the Greening family here:

The Family’s Donation Page:
http://www.gofundme.com/thegreeningfamily

Anita’s Twitter:
http://www.twitter.com/AnitaK316

Jordan’s YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/user/Jordan1617

Hannah’s YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/user/HannahNoelle2158

Jordan on CMADDICT:
http://www.cmaddict.com/article_page.php?article_id=430

Learning the Meaning of Sacrifice: Grace Thorson

Today I’m honored to host a guest post by my youngest daughter, Grace Thorson. Grace was very young when her brother Kevin suffered a spinal cord injury and paralysis. She offers a personal look at how Kevin’s injury impacted her life. Here is a fresh perspective on caregiving from the vantage point of a sibling. 

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When I was eight, my brother, Kevin, broke his neck doing a back flip in Canada. He was part of a music team, and he absolutely loved doing it. With this new injury, and through a difficult round of events, he found amazing care at a hospital in Spokane, Washington. At the time, I was an overly quiet and serious-minded little girl. Most wouldn’t think it, but I had a defiant nature, and I undoubtedly still do.

With all the surrounding chaos, I didn’t fully grasp my family’s predicament. It didn’t help that I often found myself switching between staying at the hospital and the nearby Ronald McDonald House. I was often detached and protected from the serious and tumultuous circumstances surrounding my brother’s care. It was a dark time for me, and I needed a healthy dose of perspective to brighten up my life.

At the hospital in Spokane, Kevin had physical therapists assist him with strength and mobility training. I often tagged along with my parents and watched the therapists with curiosity. One particular therapist that we nicknamed “Sarge” became the reason that I learned the true meaning of sacrifice.

During one of Kevin’s sessions, Sarge told me (more like ordered) to help in the process of getting him in and out of bed. I remember feeling the fire of rebelliousness rising and wondering, “How can she order me about? She’s not my mother.” Reluctantly, I accepted Sarge’s demand and took on the tedious job of rolling up my brother’s leg wraps. It was a mundane chore, and I didn’t understand the significance of doing it.

But, with time, it kind of grew on me, and I relished the idea that I had a role to play within my family’s dynamics. With surging enthusiasm, I showed eagerness to learn and do more for my brother. If I had rebelled, I may never have learned one of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever been presented with: sacrifice.

With being a part-time caregiver to my brother, and helping my family at home, I know how valuable sacrifice really is. Sacrifice is love.

Grace Thorson
Grace Thorson has been a caregiver to her brother since 1997. She works as an office assistant to author Pam Thorson. She serves as an editor and contributor to the Christian music website http://www.cmaddict.com. Grace enjoys photography, cats, and good books. You can follow  Grace’s reviews, interviews, and photography at http://www.gracethorson.wordpress.com

Beauty from Ashes: Part 3

 

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The last two days, we have been learning the story of Barb Farrington and her daughter Katie following Katie’s accident in 1998. Today is the third and final installment of their inspiring story. In this post, Barb also shares some important words for new caregivers and shares a tender, personal story of forgiveness.

A New Season

In a short time, Barb’s and Katie’s lives had radically changed. Barb had given up a job she loved, lost her husband, and lost the daughter she once knew. Now she had to bond with the new person who was her daughter now. It took some time to work through that.

There was more, too, with which she needed to come to terms. “In order for our home to be really healthy and happy, we need to believe in a bigger picture.”

She made the decision to fight for her joy. That decision was the beginning of the journey back from despair. “I found myself again. In caregiving, you live someone else’s life so much. So much went into her, I didn’t know who I was. I was a walking, talking body. As I began to remember that I was a person, too, things began to come full circle.”

What’s important to her today?

“My faith, my family, going to River City Church, my friends. I don’t know what I would do without my friends and my sisters who give phone support. Friends are God’s angels to Katie and me.”

“I can truly say that God is good. There was a while that it was hard to get that out: God is good. I can truly say that I’m content. Katie’s happy. She was mad at God for a while. She didn’t really want to pray or anything. But she’s come full circle, too.”

Barb says she feels they are entering a new season. “I can’t put it into words. It’s a new feeling that I have for Katie. Overwhelming tenderness comes as close as I can to describing it. I’ve been tender with her, but it’s just different. I feel the need to spend more quality time with her, to connect on an even deeper level.”

“I need her. She’s always been important in my life, but I really feel I need that interaction.”

Never Give up Hope.

Barb has some important words for someone just beginning the caregiving journey:

  • There is always hope. Always hope. Never, ever, give up hope. I strongly believe in Jeremiah 29:11: ‘I know the plans I have for you…’
  • Make sure that you take time for yourself.
  • Don’t lose who you are, because it’s really easy to do. The person you’re caring for needs you, and they need you whole and healthy.
  • Don’t be afraid to share all your thoughts with God. Keep going to God, because He will meet with you. Even if you’re mad at Him, He’ll meet with you. I was more disappointed than mad. It was one disappointment after another. Then it seems like you’re not worthy to expect anything but disappointment.
  • Be around people who will encourage you.
  • Find something to laugh about every day. You have to have some  humor.

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A Life Worth Living: A Story of Forgiveness

One of the hardest things for Barb was to forgive the young man who was driving the night Katie was injured. She hated him with a passion. After the accident, police told Barb he never once asked how Katie was doing.

This young man’s family was well-known in the area, and lies began to circulate about the night of the accident. One lie was that Katie was driving that night.

The state took the young man to court. He was sentenced to eighteen months of boot camp. Barb had refused to see or speak to either him or his parents until that day in court. As far as she was  concerned, he was spoiled and already an alcoholic at the age of eighteen. She’d heard that he had a past record of bad behavior without suffering the consequences of his actions. This fed her anger.

It was in the courtroom that God broke through Barb’s bitterness. When she saw him sitting there in his jail uniform, she thought, “He’s just a boy.” It was then that her heart began to change toward him.

One Christmas after they moved to Lewiston, the phone rang. It was the young man’s mother, Cindy. She told Barb, “I needed to call you. I was out shopping today, and I saw a woman with her daughter. They were having such a good time together, and I thought of you and Katie. You will never be able to do that. I’m so sorry.”

Barb told her, “That’s all I ever wanted. Just to hear you say, ‘I’m sorry.’ That’s all I ever wanted.”

Barb forgave Cindy, and they developed a friendship. Cindy went around to the schools in the area and gave talks about the horrors of drunk driving.

Cindy asked Barb if their family could come see Katie sometime. Barb agreed, and her dad came over to be with Barb to lend her moral support when the day arrived. When their family walked through the door, Barb’s dad broke down and cried. He told them, “My girl’s just been hurt so terribly.” It was a time of tears and forgiveness.

The young man asked Barb, “What should I do to help you, to try to make things right?” That was when Barb discovered that he had found God. Barb told him, “The best thing you can do is marry your girlfriend, know Jesus as your personal Savior, be active in a church, and be a good citizen. That’s how you can make this better for us. I want you to go on and have a good life and do all the things that a person should do to make a life worth living. If you do that, then you’ve helped us.”

Not long after that, Barb helped him get his record expunged. For her, the reason was simple. She thought about what Jesus did on the cross for humanity. Jesus forgave her sins and wiped her slate clean. She now had the power to do that for someone else.

It was a cleansing act for Barb, bringing beauty out of the ashes of their lives.

Photos courtesy Grace Thorson

Beauty from Ashes: Part 2

 

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Yesterday, Barb Farrington shared the terrible accident that left her daughter Katie fighting for her life. Today, in Part 2, Barb describes the next steps in their journey.

From Hospital to Home

Katie was at St. Alphonsus Hospital for about a month, where she began to come out of her coma. She was moved to Elks Rehab in Boise, Idaho, where she was weaned off the ventilator. It was around this time that Barb began to notice encouraging signs of awareness in Katie. A friend of Katie’s gave her a little dog. When they put it in Katie’s hands, she would look at it. On a trip out of the hospital, Barb saw Katie watching the trees go by the van window.

But she couldn’t get the medical staff at the rehab hospital to give any credence to these small but significant changes. One day they announced to Barb that they had done all they could and that they were going to release her. They planned to discharge her on a Friday, leaving Barb and Ron scrambling to find a place for her.

They fought for a few extra days at the hospital, while Barb looked for another hospital for Katie. Ron began to get his house ready for Katie’s inevitable discharge home. The hospital in Burns, Oregon, which was near Barb’s home, graciously consented to take Katie until Ron’s home could be readied to accommodate their daughter.

“This girl’s trying to work with me.”

Finally, a doctor noticed her new awareness. He told Barb, “This girl’s trying to work with me. I know a doctor she needs to see: Dr. Josie Fitzsimons.” Dr. Fitzsimons became a good support for the family. She had them move Katie to Bend, Oregon, so they could work with her every day.

But Barb could only be there on weekends, because of her job as a K-3 library tech at the Burns school. When she did go to see Katie, Katie would turn her head away from her and toward the wall. Barb knew Katie was terribly unhappy. “I knew I had to do something different.”

When Ron’s house was ready, Katie was discharged home. Ron and Barb took turns caring for her. Finding respite care was hard. Barb’s marriage began to crumble.

“Oh, Katie, what have you done?”

When did Barb truly realize that Katie was still there, locked inside her body?

“I always knew that. Here’s one instance: When she was at the Burns hospital, my sister and I were dressing her one day. We knew she was tracking things, and hearing things, but we weren’t seeing facial responses. My sister got after me and said, ‘You’re just too rough when you’re dressing her. You need to be gentler.’ Katie laughed, because we got to arguing about it. It was her first laugh.”

“That did it for me. From then on, she started expressing emotion.” One day while Katie was living at Ron’s, Barb gave in to the exhaustion. She broke down into tears and said, “Oh, Katie, oh, Katie, what have you done?”

At that moment, Katie cried. Barb felt really terrible. She’s never mentioned it again in Katie’s presence.

Still, Barb grieved over the changes happening in Katie’s body. Before her accident, she had been a fairly athletic girl. It hurt Barb to watch Katie’s legs atrophy. “A piece of me was dying. Someone has said that when a woman chooses to have a child, that child is her heart walking outside her body forever. It’s so true.”

Greater love has no man than this…

“It was the first time in my life when things didn’t work out right away. I could not believe it. It was the nightmare that you wished you could wake up from.” Barb’s mother came to stay with her and told her, “You cry at night in your sleep.”

Katie’s world had become hers. “And there,” she says, “I think I made a mistake.” Her marriage to Rex dissolved–not surprising, since statistics reveal that few marriages survive the stress of dealing with a child’s disability.

Throughout 1998 and into 1999, they tried taking Katie to various rehab hospitals in a futile effort to help her improve. In 1999, Barb and Katie resettled in Lewiston, Idaho, to be nearer to her family. Of her decision to care full time for Katie, Barb says, “I couldn’t bear to be away from her. God spoke so softly to my heart this Scripture: ‘Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life….’ (John 15:13 KJV) And I just knew.”

Barb now operates a certified family home through the state of Idaho’s Medicaid program. She also cares for another client, Ted, who is protective of Katie. The state pays for fifty-six hours of nursing care a week to help Barb with Katie’s extensive caregiving needs. Barb calls it a “miracle provision.” Ron comes down every other weekend to help. Katie adores her dad, and they love to watch golf together.

Barb feels that God prepared her long in advance for this new job of caregiving. Before she was a library tech, she worked in special education for eight years. “Talk about God preparing me for what was ahead,” she says with a smile.

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Today, at age thirty-four, Katie very much understands humor and sadness. She knows her grandma has passed away. She has favorite people. She shows disapproval by wrinkling her nose and frowning, or yelling. She appears to understand some of the subtleties of relationships and displays jealousy.

She likes giving gifts. She loves to help choose them and watch the recipients’ reactions as they open them. It really pleases her if they like it.

Katie communicates by blinking once for yes and twice for no. Sometime she blinks three times. The doctor says she is messing with them.

Tomorrow, Part 3: A New Season and A Story of Forgiveness

Photos courtesy Grace Thorson

 

Beauty from Ashes: A Story of Provision and Forgiveness with Barb Farrington and Katie Tweit

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Today I have the honor of introducing a very special family to you: Barb Farrington and her daughter Katie Tweit. Katie suffered a traumatic brain injury in a car accident in 1998. Barb is Katie’s primary caregiver and cares for her in their home in northern Idaho. In this three-part series, Barb shares her very personal story of heartache, restoration, and forgiveness.

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The Accident: Angel on Her Shoulder

It was April 8, 1998. Barb and her husband of one year, Rex, were having a branding on the Oregon ranch. Barb tried to get her eighteen-year-old daughter Katie to come up to help with the cooking for the event. Katie’s roommate, Frances, was coming up to ride and rope cattle.

Katie had just landed a new job at a local farm supply company and was going to school at Treasure Valley Community College in Ontario. Oregon. She decided to stay and work at her new job.

The call for Barb came around 9:00 p.m. It was her ex-husband Ron, Katie’s dad. He told her that Katie had been in a serious car accident. She was being life-flighted to St. Alphonsus Hospital in Boise, Idaho, because they had an advanced trauma center.

Barb knew that meant it was bad. She had been told that no bones were broken, which could only mean that Katie had suffered a head injury. She tried to get more information from the hospital, but no one would give her much information over the phone. They didn’t sound encouraging, though.

It was an awful two-hour drive to the hospital.

When Barb, Rex, and Ron arrived at the hospital, they learned more about what had happened. Katie was the passenger in a car driven by a young man who had been drinking. He was driving 110 miles an hour when he lost control of the care. He had been thrown clear. Katie had not.

The doctors had argued about whether they should try to save her.

The accident was terrible. Barb was told that when emergency personnel arrived on the scene, Katie had “death rattles.” She wouldn’t have lived much longer. Barb also discovered that before she arrived at the hospital, the doctors had argued about whether or not to save her. One doctor was adamant that they shouldn’t try.

The medical team had made the decision together to make the attempt. One of the nurses on the trauma team came to visit Barb later. She told her that as they debated Katie’s care, she felt that there was an angel on Katie’s shoulder, protecting her. The nurse just couldn’t push for a decision to let her go.

Barb and Ron were never given an opportunity to decide whether or not to fight for Katie to live. That decision was made before they arrived at the hospital.

The first time Barb walked into Katie’s room, Katie was unrecognizable. Her face was swollen; they’s had to shave part of her hair off to put a pressure monitor into her head to keep an eye on the the swelling in her brain. They weren’t allowed to touch her or talk to her, because any kind of stimulation would be detrimental to her at this point. She wasn’t breathing on her own and needed a ventilator.

No Hope

Katie’s family was given no encouragement about Katie’s prognosis. “It was such a hard time,” Barb says, “We were given absolutely no hope. Nothing.”

One doctor did say that the worst case scenario was that she would never be better than she was at the moment. The best case scenario was that she might walk or talk again. There were no guarantees.

Katie didn’t look good, either. She didn’t respond to others and appeared to be asleep. Her family was told that the first three or four days would be crucial. Most of Barb’s family were in Mexico to attend her nephew’s wedding, held, ironically, on the same day as Katie’s accident. It was difficult to contact them with the news. But Barb was soon joined by her sister, son Andrew with his wife Angie, and daughter Heather.

At the hospital, Barb saw people come in and be released. She saw others that came in and didn’t make it. It was her sobering reminder that God is not a respecter of persons. “You just never know how your situation is going to turn out.” Barb could only wait and pray.

 

Photo of Barb and Katie courtesy Grace Thorson

The Shepherd Family

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The Shepherd Family (l to r): Laura, Paul, Linda, and Jimmy

It was just a shopping day with her mother and eighteen-month-old daughter Laura. Linda was driving the car that fateful day after Christmas when an unguarded moment sent them careening into the path of a minivan at sixty miles an hour. The collision took off the back seat of their car.

Linda and her mother were dazed but okay. But little Laura’s car seat went flying out of the car on impact and landed in the middle of the freeway with Laura still buckled in. She was much too quiet.

At the hospital, Linda discovered Laura had suffered a devastating brain injury. She was sent to ICU, where she was wracked with seizures. Surgery relieved the swelling, but she remained unconscious and hooked up to a ventilator. Linda repelled the doctor’s suggestion they remove Laura from the ventilator, and when they had the opportunity to move her to a hospital closer to home, Linda was sure her daughter would begin to improve.

At the Colorado hospital, however, twenty-four health care professionals gave her an unanimous decision: Laura was in a vegetative state. She was given no hope for improvement.

Although Linda outwardly fought for her daughter to be kept on the ventilator, inwardly she was in turmoil. One desperate night she made plans to take Laura off the ventilator and overdose herself on pills to end their suffering. As she contemplated this, she knew her actions would also be taking the life of her unborn child, barely two weeks old.

Thankfully, her reason returned before she acted on her impulse. She went to sleep that night terrified of her own dark thoughts and the knowledge she had almost acted on them.

That moment signaled a turning point for the Shepherd family. Linda surrendered her life and the lives of her children once again to God. Laura stayed the same until, ironically, she awakened from her coma one day at the sound of her new baby brother crying.

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Laura interacts with therapist Pam Hyink

Today Laura remains paralyzed and on a ventilator. But she smiles and laughs and fills her family with joy. Her father Paul and brother Jimmy are her tender protectors. She has taught her world much about the value of those who are broken by the world’s standards, but beautiful beyond comparison in the eyes of God.

Linda is an author and speaker who shares the lessons God has taught her through their tragedy. The trials she has endured form the springboard from which she ministers the peace and healing she has received through her Savior.

Laura’s life is a reminder we are all broken in some way, and God loves all the imperfect vessels He calls His children.

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Linda Evans Shepherd lives at home in Longmont, Colorado, with her husband and their two children, Jimmy and Laura.
Linda is an author and speaker, the  publisher of Right To the Heart of Women Electronic Magazine and president of the nonprofit organization, Right to the Heart.

Read more about Linda Evans Shepherd:

Linda and Laura Shepherd
Right to the Heart of Women
http://www.righttotheheart.com/
Linda Evans Shepherd
Linda’s e-book: Grief Relief

Photos courtesy Linda Evans Shepherd

Nominate a family to be featured in this series!

Do you know a very special family that personifies the word “unstoppable?” Can you think of someone that has taken on the challenge of disability or chronic disease and turned it into a victory dance?

They are all around us, people who live with what others might think of as loss. They are people with incurable conditions, devastating disabilities, or birth defects. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, they have risen above their suffering to live fully. These people and their families have learned how to appreciate the beautiful in the broken. Trials are just bumps in the road for them

They are the everyday heroes.

They are unstoppable.

If you know a family that expresses the spirit of a victor, nominate them to be featured on this site in a future story. Just be sure to get their permission first. Then go to the contact page and send me their names and an e-mail address at which they can be contacted. I will never share their addresses, or yours, with anyone else.

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