Today I awakened before dawn. The day’s burdens began to weigh upon me as I lay in bed trying to go back asleep. Finally I got up and slipped quietly downstairs to my computer. I sat down and sighed. My plans and life’s circumstances were not getting along.
To gain a little perspective, I went to my old blog and read this November post from 2009:
Okay, I admit it. I’ve been feeling low and grumbly lately. Sure, I have all the usual stresses in my life that being a full-time caregiver bring. But I can’t blame my mood on that. Actually, our lives have been fairly stable in recent months. Back in the days that Kevin was most ill or in the hospital for one reason or another, I’d have given my eye teeth for days like these. Those days, it would have been heaven just to spend an afternoon in my own kitchen cooking one of our favorite meals, to sit with the family playing the newest version of Family Feud together, or to sleep in my own bed instead of trying to fold myself up into a hospital chair for the night.
So I really can’t complain. As a matter of fact, I should be rejoicing. God has been very good to us, despite our situation. I should be grateful.
And I am. Truly, I am.
The source of my bad attitude lately has been disappointment. Recent events in our situation have made it clear that I must go back to school for my nursing license.
That wasn’t in my plans. I didn’t even see it coming. I was sure I knew God’s path for me and was enthusiastically pursuing what I thought was His plan. Then a big STOP sign appeared out of nowhere and loomed ahead in the road.
Oops. What is this ?
At first it shook me to think that I missed God by so much. Then I remembered that I can’t trust my own heart because it has been proven to be a selfish and deceitful creature. God is, ultimately, the only one who really knows what is ahead. He’s the only one who knows how to bring us safely through the minefields of this world. I have to let Him lead the way, even when it means a detour – or a permanent change – from the previous path.
There’s a reason we’re called followers of Jesus.
He’s the leader.
When events change without warning in my life, it’s time to step back, drop my preconceptions, and let Him show me the way. And it wouldn’t hurt me to thank Him for being such a good and faithful Captain.
I know these things, deep within that blood-red altar where my spirit dwells in worship of the King. Even when I am totally befuddled with His ways, I know that He is trustworthy. Even when my mind rears up in self-righteous rebellion to His guidance – by force of the Spirit Who empowers my feeble faith – I will bow my knee to what my soul knows to be the truth:
He is Lord.
He loves us fiercely.
He alone knows the way Home.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Four years later,
I can say “Amen” without hesitation. Although the journey was formidable as I pursued my nursing license, it was indeed the right path for me. I emerged on the other side more convinced than ever of God’s immeasurable wisdom and power. I just needed to be reminded of that this morning.
If you are struggling with that big detour sign blocking off your dreams today, don’t be afraid. When He changes our plans, it’s because His are better. He’s big and strong, and He will safely lead you to the finish line. You only have one thing to do.
Follow.