Tag: Out from the Shadows

The House That Grace Built

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In a day, our world changed forever.

It was nineteen years ago this month that our son Kevin broke his neck in a fall and sustained a devastating spinal cord injury. It’s one of those anniversaries that are bittersweet. So much is so good in our lives. And yet, the loss is there every day.

I nearly forgot the day this year – a testament, I guess, to the fact that we’ve moved on in many ways. Kevin is still mostly disabled, and yet he still continues to make new gains when we least expect it. We’re still mostly caregivers. And yet, I love and appreciate life more than ever.

It’s strange and wonderful how we need both darkness and light to grow.

The end of last year began a new season for us as a family. A series of events have unfolded in a phenomenon that has, in rapid succession, answered several of my most desperate and long-standing prayers for my children and grandchildren. You know, those “the stone will have to roll away from the tomb” prayers, breathed so often I feared that I might irritate God with their frequency. They were the prayers carried in the night with a heavy heart and many tears before heaven. The ones that spring automatically to mind. You know.

Those prayers.

I prayed them for years without answers.

Then, without warning, a door opened. Then another, and another.

In August of last year, our youngest daughter Grace began a good job locally. Prayer answered.

In November of last year, we received the news that our son Erik and daughter-in-law Rachel were expecting for the first time after being told that would probably never happen. We welcomed our first grandson into the world in May of this year. Prayer answered.

In May of this year, our youngest son Daniel announced his engagement to a wonderful woman named Jenna. Prayer answered.

In June of this year, our eldest granddaughter Rebekah graduated from homeschool and was immediately accepted into the university of her choice. Her parents, our eldest daughter Jennifer and husband Scott, had sacrificed for many years and throughout many trials to educate their daughters. Rebekah is the second-generation to graduate from homeschool in our family. Prayer answered.

Their youngest daughter, Vanessa, will begin her first year of college level work as she finishes her last years in homeschool. Prayer answered.

This August, our son-in-law finally begins to see his long-standing dream of teaching become a reality. Prayer answered.

This summer, Kevin has been able, for the first time, to sit unassisted for nearly an hour at the side of his bed. This, from a man who was never supposed to move again. Ever. This, from a man who was thought – by some in the medical profession – to be better off dead. This, after nearly two decades of disability. Prayer answered.

Aaron and I continue to have the health we need to be caregivers and walk Kevin’s journey with him. Nineteen years ago, we were told it would be impossible for us to care for him at home. We live the impossible every day with him.

Prayer answered.

Living in Graceland.

A friend once told me that her daughter, who liked to come to our place and see Grace, used to call our place “Graceland.” We chuckle at the ironic designation. It seems fitting, though, because we are the house that grace built. This anniversary of Kevin’s accident is our reminder that God is always at work. Prayer is crucial, and He is never irritated that we bring our heartaches and hopes to Him.

If you’re facing impossible odds today, if darkness is all around you, lift up your head. God still answers prayer. He loves you, and He is at work in your life.

You are the house that grace built.

What One “Useless Life” Taught Me

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Just an old woman.

She lay against the stark white sheets of the gurney, her face gray and her hands bent awkwardly inward. A series of strokes had long-silenced her lilting Southern twang, and she communicated much as an infant, her cries and grunts only distinguishable to the initiated. At the sight of me, her face contorted in a pathetic wail, brownish-red drool drizzling from one corner of her mouth.

“Pneumonia,” someone at the nursing had said two hours earlier, when they first called to tell me that they were sending my mother to the hospital. I had quickly arranged my schedule to meet her at the emergency room when she arrived. My brother joined me in the waiting room, and we watched in vain for her arrival. Finally I checked again at the desk and discovered she had not yet been sent down from the nursing home.

I called the home, and they said they were still awaiting the doctor’s order to transport her down. We waited some more. I called the doctor’s office to see what was happening. No one knew. After two hours, she finally landed in the emergency room, where she lay untreated as busy nurses and techs buzzed around the nurses’ station. I could only guess they were waiting for doctor’s orders to proceed.

She continued to cry. We continued to wait. I stood at her side, stroking her hair and murmuring meaningless words of comfort as I choked back angry tears.

No one ever came in the room to care for her.

Something was definitely wrong, and I finally lost my patience. I summoned my nerve and marched out to the nurses’ station. “Is Doctor in the hospital?” I asked the startled nurses.

“Uh, I can try to page him for you,” one of them ventured.

“Fine. I want to talk to him.”

They exchanged nervous glances and had him on the phone in short order.

“This is Opal Soyk’s daughter,” I spit out. “We have been waiting hours in E.R. to have her treated. What the h— is going on?”

My rare foray into profanity surprised even me. But Doctor was up to the fight. “I wasn’t planning to bring her down here. She’s only here because you insisted.”

I was momentarily confused by the direction of the conversation. After all, I was only there because I had been called by the nursing home. What was going on? My mind raced to untangle what had happened as I asked, “Well, what are you planning to do for her?”

One worthless life…

“Nothing. I wasn’t going to treat her. She’s an old woman. Her life is useless, anyway. Why do you want to keep her alive?”

My soul exploded into little shards of red-hot pain as clarity came. He had planned to let her die untreated in her bed at the nursing home.

But this was not a useless old woman. This was my mother.

All my life, my mother had fought for me. Always, unconditionally, and without reservation, Mother had been my champion and protector. It was time to return the honor.

“That is not your decision to make,” I retorted loudly, turning heads at the nurses’ station. “Your job is to treat her.”

Doctor hung up on me.

He never did bother to show up at the emergency room. But shortly afterward, she was admitted to the hospital. With proper treatment, Mother recovered from her illness and lived some time longer before dying peacefully at the nursing home with her family in attendance.

Who Is the Lord of Life and Death?

In the months leading up to her strokes, Mother knew something awful was happening in her body. She kept it mostly secret, but looking back, I realized that she was preparing us for the inevitable. One day she told me that if anything happened to her, she wanted every chance at life. She also said, “I changed your diapers; you can change mine.”

I remembered those words after her strokes, and I was thankful to know her wishes. But I often agonized as I watched her body slowly wither away. I knew, though, that if we hastened her death, it would not be her choice, but ours. That would be neglect. Or worse.

In the long nights during those five years, I reminded God that she had taken Him to be Lord of her life. I asked Him to be Lord of her death.

The last night the nursing home called us, she had fallen into a coma after not responding to medication for a new infection. Her body showed the obvious signs of shutting down. We gathered around her bed, sang all her favorite hymns, and cheered her on. We read Scriptures to her, prayed quietly, and loved her into God’s presence.

My mother taught me how to live. She taught me how to die. And she taught me that God is the Lord of both.

Spinning My Tires

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Around and Around

It should have been a banner year. How many people get to be authors? And have an article published in a print magazine? And get to work at a job they love? How many parents see their children and grandchildren living solid lives of faith and hope?

  • This year I had the honor of working with my daughter Grace, who, by the way, is the best office assistant/publicist ever.
  • I had the joy of seeing our youngest son get his own place and grow in a job he loves.
  • I celebrated when our eldest granddaughter was accepted into the college of her choice.
  • I joined my beloved family for a nine-day trip to my favorite Pacific beach and attended my first Hot August Nights car show in my hometown.
  • My precious husband and I celebrated forty-two years of marriage with a two-day trip to the Big Town, where we got our Cabela’s fix and my husband finally bought a buffalo picture. He’s maintained for years that a log home needs a buffalo pic. I maintained otherwise. We finally agreed on one that would nicely grace the upstairs hall at the top of the stairs. At a vintage lamp shop downtown, I bought my first Quoizel Tiffany lamp, something I’d been coveting  for several years.
  • The ancient mint and green carpet in our house is giving way to a handsome porcelain slate tile that will hold up better to country living, wheels, and our son’s German Shepherd/cross dog.
  • I’ve been able to share our story and God’s comfort with others through my writing and speaking. My first book, Song in the Night, recently was re-released in e-book form. I’ve met and re-connected with many wonderful people and heard inspiring stories of faith across this country.
  • I even learned how to use Google+ Hangouts to make a video presentation at a virtual caregiving conference, no small feat for a sixty-year-old woman who still struggles with the t.v. remote.

Yes, 2014 should have been a great year. In fact, it has been. And for that I’m eternally grateful to my Savior.

So why did I lose steam mid-summer? Why did I feel like I was spinning my wheels?

Mostly, I think, it was because in the midst of everything else, I am, first, a caregiver. Everything that I do comes after and along with my caregiving duties. Simple things like a trip to town involve a a lot of work and planning.

Every step is hard work. Every victory comes with much warfare. The joys have been interwoven with sorrow.

We lost Aaron’s beloved mother in January; my dear uncle in July. Kevin had an infection and sternum injury in May. He received emergency care during our coastal trip and again back at home. My father endured a hard winter of medical struggles. Then I suffered a severe lumbar strain and was completely out of commission for a few weeks. The family had to take up the slack in the daily chores.

It was during that time down in bed that I finally could stop. The enforced rest gave me a chance to re-think what I’ve been doing and what I want to achieve. One thing I know for sure:

I never want to be spinning my wheels on this journey. I want to listen carefully to God and only go where He guides. That may not mean a smoother ride. In fact, that may only increase the warfare in my soul and on the home front.  The road to Zion is narrow and often filled with detours. I’m thankful to be on this trip, though. My destination is assured; a room in God’s mansion is already reserved for me heaven. It’s just a matter of staying on course, listening for God’s guidance, and remembering to enjoy the view along the way.

I will not spin my tires.
I will not spin my tires.
I will not spin my tires.

Photo courtesy Kevin Thorson/copyright 2014

Out from the Shadows Book Excerpt

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Today we celebrate the release of Out from the Shadows by Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. Many thanks to my publisher, associate editor, agent, and my friends and family. I’m so grateful to God for His inspiration, leading, and encouragement throughout the long two years it took for it to come to birth.  In celebration of the launch, I just had to share an excerpt from the book with you. This one is very special to me.

Jimmy’s Hunger

A good name is to be more desired than great wealth. Proverbs 22:1

He was just a little boy when he was abused for the first time. His dad raged at his mother again over some imagined offense—the rough German carpenter never needed a reason to be angry. The tiny house rattled with the sounds of the man’s raving.

Jimmy was afraid.

Suddenly his father turned on him. The man hit the child broadside, striking him so hard he slammed backward against a wall and soiled his pants. Jimmy never knew what he had done to deserve a beating.

But that was just the beginning. He grew to manhood under the constant shadow of a father given to adultery and violent, drunken rages. The entire family suffered, but the boy was the favorite target of his father’s wrath.

When the man wasn’t beating them, he was often gone. Jimmy helped his mother support the family with his meager earnings from odd jobs. Their food supply was scanty, and their threadbare clothing offered little protection from the brutal Wisconsin winters. Jimmy owned no underwear. He slept naked in order to save his one set of clothes for school. His father loved to shame him by yanking him out of his bed in the middle of the night and beating him in front of his mother and sisters.

The physical abuse stopped the night Jimmy was big enough to sit in the dark, fully dressed, to initiate the fight when his dad first walked through the door. He learned, too, how to stop the mocking boys at school with his fists.

Fighting gave him a feeling of power for the first time in his life. People said he would grow up to be just like his dad. He had learned all the wrong ways to live. He had every excuse to victimize others as he had been victimized.

But he didn’t. Jimmy grew up to be like his mother, gentle and kind. He finished his schooling in the Navy, married a lovely young woman, and started a family. He adored his children and worked hard to give them the stability he never enjoyed as a child. He became a musician, a newsman, a broadcaster, a businessman, a county commissioner, a caregiver, and a pastor.

Jimmy is my father.

If anyone ever had an excuse to give up, he did. He had nothing going for him in life, except a mother who loved him and the desire to be different from his father and his grandfather. Instead of continuing the family line of shame, he taught my brother and me an important lesson: It’s not where you come from, but where you’re headed, that matters.

When my father was growing up, children shouted our surname at other kids when they wanted to insult them. My father was determined to have a name his own children would never be ashamed to wear. He not only redeemed the family name, but he also has lived with such integrity that we are proud to be known by it.

Today, his adult grandchildren love to tell people who their grandpa is. He is a well-known local personality and beloved icon in our community. As a pastor, he tells others of the Father God who took him out of a life of poverty and abuse and gave him a real daddy’s love.

My dad’s hunger for God inspired my own search for life’s meaning. His determination to break free has challenged me to wear my heavenly Father’s name with integrity and leave a legacy my family can be proud to claim.


Father God,

I understand my perception of You
has been shaped by my earthly father.
I ask You to reveal to me the ways
in which I have misunderstood who You are.
Help me break free from wrong pathways
and understand the depth of Your unconditional love.
Amen.

Reflections on “Jimmy’s Hunger”

1. Do you know anyone who has a similar story of abuse?

2. Have you experienced this kind of abuse yourself? Have you been able to break free?

3. List the qualities of a father you think are the most important.

4. In what ways has God displayed these qualities in your life?

5. How can you use these qualities in your role as a caregiver?

Pam Thorson/copyright 2014

Find Out from the Shadows here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/194110312X/

Podcast March 1st

 

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Join me for a podcast with Denise Brown of Caregiving.com on Saturday, March 1 at 10 a.m. ET (9 a.m. CT; 8 a.m. MT; 7 a.m. PT). Listen live or download the podcast here:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/caregiving

Denise is the founder of a vibrant online community of caregivers. I’m honored to join her for an interview tomorrow morning as I share the story surrounding our son’s disability and my perspectives on caregiving.

Hope to see you there!

Coming Soon: Out from the Shadows: 31 Devotions for the Weary Caregiver

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Coming Soon…

 

Out from the Shadows: 31 Devotions for the Weary Caregiver

 

 

No place is so dark, no shadow so deep, that God can’t find us…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After nearly two years in the making, my newest book is almost ready for its March release. The editors and design team at Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas have done a masterful job of guiding me through the process. Although this is my second book, I’ve discovered that traditional publishing is much different than self-publishing. I’ve had a lot to learn. It’s been hard work, too, but I’m honored to have this opportunity to share with others.

       “There are only four kinds of people in the world: Those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers.” -Rosalynn Carter

If you’re not a caregiver now, it’s likely that you have taken care of someone you love at some point in your life. You know the daily stresses they endure.

Perhaps you know someone who cares for a family member or have received care when you were injured or ill. Out from the Shadows is a collection of thirty-one stories that pull back the veil on the unique joys and challenges of caregiving. Why not refresh someone you know with a gift of hope? Out from the Shadows is now available for pre-order at amazon.com. Order early and save $.99 over the regular price.

We still have a lot to do before the book launches. Dragonfly Core is producing a book trailer which I’m very excited about. It will feature some people I love and tell a story I’ve been dying to shout to the world:

Caring for others is one of the most important jobs you will ever have.

 

God IS in Control

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 God…is the blessed controller of all things. 1 Timothy 6:15 (Phillips)

God IS in Control

What a year it has been already! There have been some sad events: burying my mother-in-law, watching my father suffer through a serious infection. There has also been a rumbling in our lives as the stone has been rolled away from the tomb of some long-standing dreams. I can’t share the details, but I have witnessed enough miracles in the last month alone to move me to tears and remind me that God is a God of wonders.

When He closes a door, it’s closed. Solid. No amount of moving or praying can budge it.

When He opens a door, it’s flung wide to let in the fresh air of hope.

Whatever’s going on in your lives, rest in the trust that God does hear your prayers. And He really cares about you. As I’ve shared in the last couple of weeks in recent devotionals When Dead Men Speak and Beyond the Grave at CMADDICT.com, God moves in sovereign and powerful ways far beyond our ability to imagine.

Events of these last weeks have encouraged me to step out more boldly in His steps. It’s a fearsome thing to follow behind the Savior, knowing all He gave up to answer His Father’s call. But it’s more frightening to remain in the shadows of my faith, where fear rules the night.

Come with me, my friends. Let’s push aside the stumbling blocks that have kept us from being all God has called us to be. We can serve with joy, knowing our struggles are not in vain. He is still “the blessed Controller of all things.”

Do you know someone who takes care of a loved one?

Can you imagine how hard it is for them to make it through another day?

You can help! I still need people to join my team for the launch of my new book, Out from the Shadows: 31 Devotions for Weary Caregivers. You don’t need special skills or a great social media following to help. Just read my previous post (click here) and pick 5 ideas there or send me 5 of your own ideas and you’re on the team. There will be a drawing for a Kindle Paperwhite e-reader in March for those who become team members. E-mail me at thesong2008@live.com and put “Influencer Request” in the subject line. Thanks!

Help Wanted: Kindle Giveaway

 

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No More Living in the Shadows

I’m excited to announce that my newest book, Out from the Shadows,  is now in production through Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. This new book is a compilation of thirty-one devotionals for caregivers gleaned from my own struggles in the valley of the shadows. The associate editor and I have finished the final edits and it is now in the hands of the proofreader. LPC’s design team is in the process of crafting the cover art for the book. When that’s completed, there will be a page on my website, as well as on Amazon, so you can read more about it.

You have the power to influence others.

As we prepare for the March 2014 launch of the book, I’m in the process of compiling my Influencer list. If you enjoyed my first book and my writing on CMADDICT.com and this website, I need you. For the release of Out from the Shadows, I’m asking for 25 Influencers to help me get the word out. In exchange for your own e-copy of Out from the Shadows, all that’s necessary is to pick 5 things to do from the list below or come up with 5 ideas of your own. Complete those 5 items and you will become a powerful force in helping others find inspiration and comfort within its pages.

The List:

1. Add Out from the Shadows to your Goodreads shelf.

2. If you’re in the Inland Northwest, invite me to come to your church group or book club to speak.

3. Post an honest review of the book on an online bookstore, such as Amazon.

4. While you’re reading the book, post what you like about it on Twitter and/or Facebook.

5. Give me the opportunity to share a guest post on your blog.

6. Pin the book cover (when it’s finished) to a board on Pinterest. Be sure to link back to https://pamthorson.com or http://www.amazon.com/dp/194110312X/

7. If you like the book, tell others about it.

8. Offer to hand out bookmarks to others. I will furnish the bookmarks at your request.

9. Gift a copy to someone you love.

10. Start a discussion of the book on Goodreads.

You Could Win a Kindle Paperwhite E-reader

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If you would like to sign up to be an Influencer in exchange for an e-copy of Out from the Shadows, please email me at: thesong2008@live.com. Please put “Influencer Request” in the email subject line. And make sure you include your promotional ideas along with your mailing address.

I’ll put all your names into the hat for a giveaway of a Kindle Paperwhite e-reader (See it here http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00AWH595M/ref=fs_clw ). A second-place drawing will be held for a signed print copy of either my first book, Song in the Night, or Out from the Shadows (your choice). Winners will be announced during launch week in March.

 

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